Rolling Through Imperfectness

See yesterday night, I decided to put my little brother’s perfect outfit together. He has no style, whatsoever. All he wants to do is play his dumb video games with his little friends and read books. He always wears the same gray t-shirt and the dull blue pants. So, you know, I had to put together his outfit. I want him to look good in public.

People would beg to be his friend after wearing what I’d put together. Everything was ready. I even told him how to style his ugly hair too. But then the next day, he wore his same old outfit! I was like, “What are you wearing? Go change! I told you to wear the outfit I put out yesterday.” He didn’t listen though. He had decided that he wanted to ignore me and leave out the door. How dare he, you know? I was trying to be nice and help him out, but he wants to ignore me? I was done. I had to take a deep breath. Who does he think he is? No one cares what I have to say, no one cares about me. I’m always trying to help you. I try to help everyone. Why do I always end up volunteering myself to be the shoulder you guys can lean on? Through every situation, I’m the one listening to all your b.s. I’m not saying I don’t want to be there, I’m want to. I want to listen to you guys, I want to care and understand for you guys but also, remember I still exist.

 (After a little moment of silence). Well, I’m glad you guys aren’t in my spot. At least you guys don’t think about everything as much as I do. I hear all of them, you know. The words always stay in my mind. “Don’t talk to her, she’s mean, she’s crazy.” Blah blah blah. I try to take them all out of my mind because I know better. I know that people do and say things, things which might not be the most pleasant things to see or hear. I try hard to forget it. Its not easy though. Who do they think they are? Going around saying stuff about me. Its never easy to forget those actions. Everyday, I look at myself and I think to myself, I’m strong. I don’t cry. But I guess its not my day today to be strong. No one, not even my close friends seem to care about me. I just feel like hiding myself under the bed or disappearing into the sky.

I’m always trying to be the perfect friend, the perfect sister, the perfect person, listening and helping everyone out but you know what I realized? I learned that there isn’t a world where everything is perfect and revealing what you are feelings is okay. My brother wearing the same outfit everyday is okay. Life is hard, you will fail, not once but multiple times. You just have to pick yourself up and brush yourself off and stand strong.    


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