In the end of year 1989, Hamad Hahsy, my father, came to America. In the year of 1996, he got engaged with Sona Hahsy, my mother. They got married in the year 1998. In the end of the year 1998, my father brought my mother to America with him for they were in Afghanistan. In the year of 1999, August 2nd, their first daughter was born, Haisha Hahsy, me. Meaning Haisha Hahsy is an American. As Haisha grew she told others she was from Afghanistan. Truly and officially, yes, Haisha is an American, yet in Haisha’s heart she knows she is an Afghan. I know my background and my truest self is Afghan. The culture and traditions I follow are what make me different:my beliefs, and the way I carry myself.
The customs and cultures that I follow are a huge part of what creates me. From the different foods I eat, our dining etiquette, religion, holy days, and family responsibilities. Yet, when I tell people I am from Afghanistan and that I was born here, in America, they give me a look like “what they heck?”
Yet when people find out that I am Afghan, in that moment the vibe changes into something completely different than the moment before. Sometimes I get treated like a child. Sometimes their expression tells me what they are thinking, like, “Oh, I’m sorry that you are from Afghanistan.” Their face expression changes into that of a little wimp, like when a baby is crying, and you make that ‘I feel bad’ face. Others even avoid eye contact. Some make twists with their body and start getting all jibbery.. Some get confused as in a way of saying, “What are doing here?” Others are disgusted because of the stories of terrorism Americans have heard about.
In freshman year of high-school, I remember I had just started becoming friends with someone that I will not name. I had forgotten to tell her that I am from Afghanistan. But one day coincidentally we were talking about traveling.
I said “I love traveling whenever I go back home I try to make pit stops at my favorite places around the world I said.,”
“Where are you from?”She asked.
“I am from Afghanistan.” I said, flat out.
She gave a very disgusted look like and I was talking to you this whole time.
Right after that sentence she was like, “Your Muslim, right?”
“Yes,” I replied..
Right then she said well I have to get going I have some important things to do bye. Then she rushed off. From that moment I noticed the hate she showed towards me only for the stereotypes she has heard. When she saw me in the halls she would ignore. Soon I ignored her too, she heard (good) stories about me through others. And now today she tries very hard to become my friend once again; but I have her told not to judge too quickly about something you barely know about. Now she is somewhat my friend but let’s say not my closest.
Most people believe that I was on the run from Afghanistan because of the war. Then of course when they know I am born here, they think different. I make sure they understand they shouldn't be sorry, for I am proud to be an Afghan. I mean there is no problem with being from Afghanistan. Sometimes it is known for the terrorism stories people have heard about it. Especially Americans in their teenage years they believe they know so much yet they don’t know so much. The once to be war in Afghanistan makes people think that there is war there always when in reality it is much different. Once a country is in war, it is known for it, till it is out of war and out of its ruins no one will notice the change. Also people do not think or notice the time it takes for certain places to restore themselves due to certain extents of war. Till then the people are labeled differently. All known as failures and losers that all come from a ‘bad’ place.
What create a relationship between people is what they know about each other. There are some many connections one can make to see how a relationship is created. Not a fake relationship; a long lasting, strong bond. In the book The Things They Carried, O’ Brien, the main character bases his friendship from what he knows about them. He risks his whole life in combat for people that he knows about, on the relationships he has created. One thing that is a main key to each person, is the things they carry. For example, First Lieutenant Jimmy Cross carried letters from a girl named Martha, a girl he is in love with yet she does not have the same type of feelings for him. Kiowa another character carries the New Testament. Henry Dobbins carried his girlfriend’s stockings around his neck. These all told the men about each other, and what is important to them. Giving each other the right expression of what is important to them.
Many people think they know a lot about you once they know where you are from. They think they know everything for the stereotypes they have heard of Afghanistan being a war-zone or a country full of terrorists. People think that they know all about me, only after finding out I am from Afghanistan, most of the time shaping my relationship with someone differently. Making my relationship with new friends different when I first meet them. People just think they know so much about you, and already judge without knowing anything. Without knowing one should not contemplate someone only because you know where I am from you think you know my whole background, my traditions, and my cultures. Yet the person knows none about such and should not just conclude and judge what one is like. Creating a wrong and misunderstood perception, making all types relationships weak and wrong. One should not judge someone without knowing much about them and do not let ignorance be your downfall. This makes relationships that are less trustworthy and the other person just seems that they are arrogant and unflattering at most times. You know that they will stick to what they think and not really get to know you as you who are truly.
Afghanistan is regarded as “A battlefield by many outsiders, rather one of the most culturally rich countries in the world.” by Zahirshah Amin a 27 year old Afghan tile maker. This quote is used for even a tile maker understand that most believe that Afghanistan is just a battleground yet there is much more that most do not see or understand for they are blinded by themselves.
There is more to a country that is put under ruins. One must see what a country was and what it became other then thinking that, that country has been like such from day one. Maybe for the day you were born but if you are judge one so easily you must also understand the true background, what made such happen?. What made a country to become such? First one must know the accurate background information in order to judge one.
One must notice the change socially, physically, and mentally. I remember there was this day when my friend in the 9th grade introduced me to one of his friends. The girl he was introducing me to was so nice and sweet yet the moment that my friend said that “Haisha is from Afghanistan.” Everything changed from nice and sweet, it went to sassy and rude as if the girl was the of queen Sheba. I looked back at her confused and a little mad. Just a moment ago you seemed like your going to make me a BFF bracelet and and now it seems as if I just killed your dog. I did not understand what happened in just such a small sentence. Yet my friend was smiling and as the mood and tone changed his smile slowly disappeared for the girl he introduced me to was supposed to be a friend rather than a instant rival. He was finally said, “Haisha well let’s get going”, I said “well it was nice meeting you, I think, haha, but I have better people to talk to.”
A relationship means something strong that helps each other and it there for you at all times. When there is trust and when they can take you from the bad and put you into the good. They build you back, they entertain you, all in all they are there for you at all times. This bond of friendship helps the men of Alpha Company (from the book The Things They Carried) survive on a day to day basis. They rely on each other for entertainment in order to drone out the monotony and boredom of the days. With hours and hours of marching and no action the men need a release of the boredom, it would drive them crazy. For example of such, "Kiowa teaching a rain dance to Rat Kiley and Dave Jensen, the three of them leaping around barefoot while a bunch of villagers looked on with a mixture of fascination and giggly horror." They are there for each other now matter how severe things could be.
Even though everything could be fine still a person needs a friend for support especially emotional support and reassurance. For a true friend is shown at those points of life, there will always be someone to have fun with, to go to a party with but not always for someone to give you a hug when you feel most lonely or when you are stressed. These men from the Alpha company look to each other for emotional support and reassurance since none was coming from the home-front. The men of Alpha Company trusted each other with their lives. Dave Jensen and Lee Strunk are an example of this trust, In late August in the book the two friends made a pact that if one of them should ever get really hurt ("fucked up") - a wheelchair wound - the other guy would automatically find a way to end it. This pact helps these two friends in that they know that if it came down to living their entire life in a wheelchair that the other would end it there in Vietnam. Letting the men create a special pact between them two. The men trusted each other to make no mistakes because one mistake could cause someone to lose their life. Now everyone does not need that type of trust in their friendship yet everyone is looking for a friend that always will be there and is pretty much willing to kill them-self for you.
People need to stop thinking they know everything and they need to stop judging everyone based on things they have only heard. They need to update everything they know before they judge. One needs to look at a case see the past and present of the situation. Also what creates the situation or what was there before. Afghanistan was not always known as the war zone it was known as a great country. Even in 1969 Vogue came to Afghanistan to create a magazine special named “Afghan Adventure.” Showing times from women standing in a record store to people walking in the greatest fashions at the airport. One must know the true background of something before jumping to conclusions. All I want is true and good friendships and relationships yet these factors that judge others almost make it seem that sometimes it is not even possible to happen. Some try to hide for they do not want to be marked in a way they know they are not. But deep down they want to come out and say hello to everyone and to be everyone's friend, maybe not everyone's but close enough.