Words Speak Louder Than Actions - Eric Loth

Words Speak Louder Than Actions


Blood flowing through my veins, my heart pumping like the speed of light. It’s my time to go. I know I have to talk right, more professionally because I don’t want them to look down on me. I’ve got to represent the person I really am, not someone coming out of the streets. I have to show them what I am made of. I mean talking to the principal of a highly intelligent high school is a big deal. Each word that I will be saying will show respect, confidence and that I was taught right. But honestly what I am about to say is nothing compared to my normal life. I feel that sometimes with certain people it is good to have a little change in the way I speak, just to show that I can represent myself correctly. If they ever find out the way I talk back home with my friends it would be a disgrace for me. The feeling of un-achievement will crawl up my skin.

“Hello Mr. Chris, how are you today?” I said. Once I had opened my mouth and talked, my whole mind just turned pitch black. If a person were in a room with a bunch of special people knowing that they are focusing on every single move someone is to do, anybody would feel awkward.

“Good day nice weather, come. Come take a seat with us” He said. It was not that noticeable but my legs felt like springs when he had told me to sit down. In my mind I was so happy but meanwhile my nervous side was blocking most of this.

“Calm down, remember he is just human like you.” The lady said I thought to myself and said, “Yea she’s right. Let me just get this done and over with.

“So I was told that you really, really want to come to this school.” Mr. Chris said. I was afraid to answer because he might counter back with another question that I probably won’t be able to answer right. So I just left it off with a simple, but surprising yes. This was my biggest achievement of the year 2010.

Sitting down in the super comfortable chair really helps calm my nerves down. I have to say the way I felt coming in has changed in like only 5 minutes. I felt like I was at home for a second. Then I was knocked back into reality.

“Eric if you could just sign a couple of papers then you would be good to go.” Mr. Chris said. My hand grabbed for the pen, this felt like a good moment. If I would ever write a story of my life this would be in it.  The pen went on the paper and so did my name. I was ready for what was coming up for me. I can tell by my mom face she was proud. Even though she kept the same face on I’m pretty sure this was how I felt.

            After everything was done I went home, relieved of what I just did. Then I called up some friends to go play ball.

“Yo homie, trina go play some ball today down smith.” I said. I went to go take a shower and packed up all of my stuff and I was out the house. I was happy to tell them some good news but I don’t know how they will take it.

“Yo, guess what. I got accepted to the high school I applied to.” I said.

“Forrr reallll, yo that’s cool”. Friend said.

 I could tell he wasn’t happy but I had to do what was best for me. Back in the 8th grade we applied to the same high schools but we didn’t get accepted to the ones we wanted to. Our only choose left was to go to a neighbor hood school. We told each other that in high school no matter what we got each other’s back. But I guess this wasn’t going to be happening anymore. I can tell by his face expression that he was mad but I’m pretty sure at some point he would be like “Well, ya know if ya think it’s the right way to go, then go”.           

            We played ball until the end of the day then we all just left. On my way home my phone rang, it was my mother.

“Hello Eric.” Mom said

“Yes Mother.” I said

“Where are you at?”

“I’m still at the park playing ball.”

“Well hurry up its 8 o’clock.”

“Ard mom I’ll be home when ever I want.” I said.

“What did you just say, are you suppose to be talking to me like that son.”

“Oh sorry, I meant ill be home in a couple of minutes.”

“Okay well hurry up.”

Honestly I couldn’t understand a word my mom was saying. Knowing two languages and mixing them up gets confusing at times. But that is just how she normally speaks. I feel that we speak almost alike because we both know two of the same languages. Some times my other accent comes out when I speak English and I just have that awkward moment. During my interview this was one of my biggest fear, but I guess being scared of something happening makes it not happen.

            Once I read a quote from James Baldwin’s essay “If Black English isn’t a Language, Then Tell me, What is?” the quote stated “there have been, and are times and places when to speak a certain language could be dangerous even fatal” This quote is told me to be careful of what I say and where I say it. Just like the dialogue with my mom and I. It is not fatal but dangerous because it could lead to a habit. What is fatal is me speaking Khmer in front of a bunch of people that don’t know it. The first thing that will go to their mind is that I’m talking about them and could lead to some serious problems.

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