Barbershop Bust- Michal's Monologue

Posted by Michal Czapla in English 2 · Pahomov/Rhymer · E Band on

...Yeah, just like I said. Cut it short on the sides and shape it up. Oh, and don’t mess up my golden locks. These are magnets for girls. In fact, I’ve been talking to someone lately, and things between us have been going pretty well to say the least. (Laughter) You know what I’m talking about? So, I’m gonna need you to make it look crisp. No, I’m not going on any dates yet, but this cut might just help get me one. What’s that? I got a haircut last week? I don’t really keep track. All I know is that it has to look perfect at all times. How else do you think girls talk to me? Listen, I can’t let people see me and go “that’s an ugly person”. Whatever people think of me is what matters. Oh, by the way, can you give me a line on the side? I think that’ll give my hair a nice touch.

(Swipes hair to the sides)


Hey…can you stop for a minute? What’s that on my head? The line is going further back than usual. I haven’t put my hair up in a while, but it’s never looked like this befo- wait. There’s no way. Am I balding? I never thought that this would happen to me! I mean, my dad is bald, but he’s like a grandpa! I can’t let anyone see this. What will Rebecca think? I’ve been flirting with her for a while, and she’s always complimented me on my hair. She likes how it’s soft and shiny and smooth and… everything! What will she think of me now, knowing that it’s all fading away. She’ll slowly start ignoring me: she won’t say “Hi” to me in the morning, she won’t talk to me during our lunch break, and eventually she’ll forget I even exist! In fact, no one will talk to me anymore because of how unattractive my hair makes me look. I won’t be invited to any of my friends’ parties. I’ll no longer be “cool” anymore. I’m just going to look like a goober. I’ll be an outcast of society for crying out loud! You have to fix it. Fix it right now!


What do you mean you can’t? I don’t care if it’s a “natural process” that men go through. It doesn’t make sense for me to bald. I won’t fit in with my friends. Who else have you seen that’s balding as a 16 year old? Oh, you didn’t know I was 16? Exactly. I’m just going to be a fish out of water in school. You know what? Just finish the haircut. I might as well get my money’s worth.


(As barber finishes up, man stares at mirror)


I can’t believe this is happening to me. Why me? Why ME?


“A rich heart may be under a poor coat”... what do you mean by that? It’s a scottish proverb? Okay, but that has nothing to do with my hair. (Laughs to self) Are you saying that my appearance is the coat? I don’t think I have a rich heart. I’m just another nobody. Who would want associate with me for any reason other than my hair. Well, like I said: it’s smooth and soft and...


...You know, come to think of it, is my hair really that important? I don’t think Rebecca started talking to me because of my hair. Sure, maybe it helped with the looks, but now she talks to me because of what’s on the inside. Hair is only an aesthetic. Really, it’s just some fluff on the top of my head. And my hair isn’t what makes me likeable or have a bunch of friends. I’m the reason. Everything I do and say is what makes me likeable. If I display self-confidence in myself, no one will even think twice about what’s on top of my head. Sure, people will obviously joke about it at times, but don’t we all have our own imperfections?


(Stands up)


Thank you for this amazing experience. I really found myself today. The hair doesn’t even look half bad now that I look at it. In fact, I’m gonna give you a tip. Have a nice day!


Comments (8)

Kankoue Folly (Student 2021)
Kankoue Folly

I really enjoyed your monologue the way you told us what was going on in the character's head, I like how it was relatable and a nice topic to cover, it really resonates with me.

Nickell Caesar (Student 2021)
Nickell Caesar

This story really moved me, you talked about someone who was all caught up with their hair, but then they started balding and talked about their way of coping with it. Your music choice made the entire thing flow better and had movement, this was awesome!

Londyn Edwards (Student 2021)
Londyn Edwards

I liked how relatable this was and how you managed to reveal such a deep problem through something as small as a haircut. The character started off at such a high, joking point and went through the motions that come with self-esteem issues, ultimately ending in them being okay with who they are and what their hair looks like. Your writing really encapsulated the feeling of a haircut/hairstyle gone wrong that so many of feel. Great job Michal!

Randy Le (Student 2021)
Randy Le

At some moments, them monologue is comedic which I appreciate it. The deeper meaning that the character finds out is that what matters most is what's on the inside, not the outside.

Another takeaway from this is that your opinion is the only one that matters. I find that it is not a very learned topic and here you show it through some parts of the monologue such as when the character was panicking about what his friends would say to him.