Like Father, like daughter...

The memories I have of my father are mostly the ones of him being in the hospital. Spending days with him in those rooms, watching and sitting with him in those beds...Seeing it so much, and promising that I would never let that happen to me...I..was wrong.

I spent the last week worrying, crying, being scared over everything in my life. Monday through Wednesday, I was two types of sick. The first, from the combination of my stomach and sinuses and the second was from the fear of going into the hospital for my endoscopy exam. I felt so many emotions, that I could've written more then enough stories for class, but no words could come to mind. I spend those days talking to only to Perry, seeing no one but my mom, and trying hard not to have any panic attacks. I would get the occasional IM from other people but they would stop talking after one or two messages, but I digress

Thrusday came, my heart stopped cold. I wanted so much not to go. I understood everything (how the procedure would go, that I would be asleep, that it wouldn't take long) but it didn't take away any more of the fear. The fear of being in the hospital (like I swore I wouldn't) and the fear of waking up during the procedure, like my father did. I wanted so much to have a friend with me, I wanted so much to be home, I wanted so much to be done with this, but I wanted to see my dad again.

There I was, changed into the gown and sitting on the gerny, waiting to be taken back into the room. My mom kept saying "everything will be ok" but the only thing I could feel was fear, sadness and anger. I was mad at myself for letting my health get so bad. I started to cry.

I layed down, in the room, on the gerny, while the nurses and doctors hooked me up to every machine they had. The worse was the IV. It felt like I was being stabbed in the back of my hand and on my wrist. I cried harder, whining "I want my dad. I want daddy here with me." I felt like a fool, 17 years old and I was crying because of a needle in my hand. Now it was time for the aneastedic, or so I though because now I was being made to get up so that they could run a test that they had forgoten.

Finally, I was back on the gerny, hooked up to everything once again, and now I wasn't nervous. I was more so anxious to just get it over with. They gave me the aneastedic and told me my ears would start ringing before I fell asleep as well as put a guard in my mouth to keep it open. Everything seemed ok, until an odd feeling hit me quick and my ears did ring. I felt dizzy and found myself mumbling something I never thought I would, then darkness.

I woke up in a different room and heard my mom's voice. I was happy that it was all over...but there were a few things on my mind like seeing my friends, finally having something to eat (since I couldn't eat anything the day before up to the exam), and wondering if how I was feeling was the same way my dad felt...

Now, it is over and done with. Nothing is wrong but I still feel sick...and I still wish my dad was here to make me feel a bit better about it all...