Mental Conflict

Offred has always been mentally challenged. Each chapter we see her battling with a new internal conflict that she has created from her thoughts. Throughout the book, we see the repetition of “the thought of” followed by a scenario that negatively affects her mood. This resonates with me because my mind has always been my biggest enemy, while also being my best friend at times. Just like Offred, I’ll expect the absolute worst to save myself from disappointment.

I deeply connect with Offred when she says “This contradictory way of believing seems to me, right now, the only way I can believe anything. Whatever the truth is, I will be ready for it.” (pg 106). Whenever I use my head to escape from reality and the misfortunes it brings, I’m always left in a jaded state of mind. In chapter 18, three scenarios of what happened to Luke fills Offred’s mind. One of those scenarios being Luke dead in the place they were found trying to escape, while another one he is in prison. Her final imagination explains him crossing the border and unexpectedly sending her a message. She has no idea what to expect so she holds on tight to these ideas so nothing comes as a surprise. It’s very essential to use your head as an advantage when it comes to defeating the unexpected, like Offred for example.

However, it is also very unhealthy whenever your mental state is consumed from the terrible thoughts you tell yourself. Somehow Offred and I are always left in a state of grief or despair, and most of the time we don’t even have to lose someone to feel these emotions. We are truly just in our head. It’s our escape from the reality we don’t want to face. But sometimes we need an escape from the escape. There are lots of times where Offred remenines on her past life with Luke and her daughter to distract herself from Gilead. Her thoughts of them two aren’t always sunshine and rainbows. “Weep. Weeping is what it is, not crying. I sit in this chair and ooze like a sponge.” (pg 227). This quote is Offred’s reaction to a scenario that she created in her head of Luke being dead. She got really carried away with her imagination and probably left herself in an even more severe state that she was in before.

Even though I am in no way close to living the life that Offred does, I still divert my mind from unpleasant aspects of my everyday life, normally using my imagination or entertainment to influence my thought process. Everytime I have discovered my true self, it has always been from stepping into my own world of creation, and I would think the same has happened for Offred. If one’s imagination is strong enough, their imagination can become the new reality.