Text from...

I stared down my phone. It never buzz, rings, vibrates or anything. It's just kind of beyond out of date and nonworking. I pressed my thumb against the buttons randomly until it woke from it''s sleep mode. On the screen a gray box with a moving envelope and words alerting me of a text message. I sighed and clicked on it and ti took me to a list of messages. The text opened saying "Hey sunshine". Only my family called that. My eyes wandered to the top of the screen looking for a name. It simply said Tab.

 My head feel back against my pillows and I squeezed my eyes shut. Why now? Even if Tab is my mother, we didn't have a real relationship. For the most part I went months (one time it was over a year) without hearing or seeing her. Then at random she would appear for a bit talk to my dad then vanish again. If I did see her in person we never talked much. She would ask my a few questions and if I tried to answer them she tuned out part way or if I asked her something she would kind of ignore it. There were times she would open up and we could connect but then she was gone. It always seemed to be the same cycle. That's why I can honestly say I am not one to open up to people or trust them. Just from Tab's actions. It doesn't just effect me either. My little half sister (who used to live with her) and my dad. She has all effected us and how we act with people in some way.

 I looked down at the phone again. The message still started back at me. In my head I ping ponged back and forth about what to do. Mom (actually my grandmother who raised me like a mom) always told me it was my choice. If I wanted Tab in my life let her and if I didn't I wouldn't need to. Did I want to have a mother/daughter relationship enough to give her the chance to let her in even if she left again? Maybe I need to take my own time and reach out to her when I was ready? It wouldn't be on her own terms but my own. That way if she responded or not I would just be ready. Now what would be my choice though...

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