Dear Diary,
Sunday I realized that I have a fear of success. It's not so much the idea of not wanting to succeed, but the idea is the complete opposite of what my reality has been. For as long as I can remember theres been countless unkept promises (hence the reason promises mean little to me now), and many goals that have never been fulfilled. Now to me it's not who to blame for this being so. But it's more or less how to rid myself of this horrible habit, feeling, and restraint against my success. Usually my motto is like Nike, "just do it," and sometimes it works, but most times, not so much. But that ends up being a never ending vicious circle of a little something that then turns to a little nothing. For instance one of my goals is to spend everyday doing something constructive and not sleep my day a away. Constructive being writing, reading, practicing guitar, even homework. Instead I come home and say "I'll only shut my eyes for five minutes." Five minutes turn into twenty, then thirty, an hour, then three hours. I wake up in just enough time to walk my dog and go right back to sleep. Epic fail. I need to get out of this rut, the only problem is, I don't know how.
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