One Second

https://docs.google.com/a/scienceleadership.org/document/d/1V1Cg1IGGBLMZrPiSe2s-fRVT2oysbfTydO_kC_AvjGM/edit?usp=sharing

Comments (4)

Claire Byrnes (Student 2018)
Claire Byrnes

Your descriptions of scenes are incredible, with so much detail that it definitely shows the audience what's happening, instead of telling us. I can't imagine how much research was poured into this. And my favorite line was: "The subject becomes a vegetable…"

Emma Schwingel-Sauer (Student 2018)
Emma Schwingel-Sauer

I really like the way you formatted your story. You did a great job of telling what was happening and describing each subject. You did a great job with making the reports seem realistic too.

Jessica Celli (Student 2018)
Jessica Celli

Wow, this was a whole experience to read, and I can't imagine what it was like to write. It's so abstract and out there that I'm not even sure I have the brain capacity to understand it. The words work well to carry what is happening as this character perceives, but I had no clue what in reality was happening. I have several theories about what this novel could've been about, but I know they are totally wrong. Overall, this is a mindbending story, which is what I think you were trying to accomplish.

Tito Mazzucchi (Student 2018)
Tito Mazzucchi

i Reading the story, I believe that you did an exceptional job at writing about "What is happening" however I got the impression that because of this, there was definitely a stronger investment in the interactions rather than the setting, therefore making me wonder more about "Where is it happening?" I am quite a fan of the epistolary-like novel format which the story takes, and I believe if the same amount of effort was invested in describing better what these places actually look like, it will help readers remain more connected with the piece as a whole.

One thing to note: I think this applies more to the beginning of the story rather than the second half.