The Mood Playlist

Chapter 9 (page 51): Waterfalls (1) by James Quinn

“I was nervous. How was I to know he loved me? It might be just an affair. Why did we ever say just?… The knock would come at the door; I’d open, with relief, desire. He was so momentary, so condensed. And yet there seemed no end to him. We would lie in those afternoon beds, afterwards, hands on each other, talking it over. Possible, impossible. What could be done? We thought we had such problems. How were we to know we were happy?” In this portion of the book, Offred was reciting a memory she had with Luke, a memory about their love and relationship. Offred would typically reminisce about the past since that was all she had and something that couldn’t be taken from her. I would believe that she’s lonely and has this emptiness within her because of how little affection is shown in Gilead. In the song, “Waterfalls” by James Quinn, he captures this sort of sorrowful feeling in the notes he plays. But also captures the feeling of happy, nostalgic moments in life. The beginning of the song really captures when Offred says, “I was nervous. How was I to know he loved me? It might be just an affair. Why did we ever say just?… The knock would come at the door; I’d open, with relief, desire.” Just the fast-paced intro shows the number of thoughts spilling thoughts throughout Offred’s mind, contemplating her relationship with Luke, seeing if their relationship even meant anything to Luke. But as you continue to listen to the song, there comes a time when it quickens but slows down right after, representing the many ups and downs of Offred and Luke’s relationship. But also at the end of the quote, “We would lie in those afternoon beds, afterwards, hands on each other, talking it over. Possible, impossible. What could be done? We thought we had such problems. How were we to know we were happy?”

Chapter 12 (pages 63-64): Mia and Sebastian’s theme song (2) by Justin Hurwitz

“I step into the water, lie down, let it hold me. The water is soft as hands. I close my eyes, and she’s there with me, suddenly, without warning, it must be the smell of the soap. I put my face against the soft hair at the back of her neck and breathe her in, baby powder and child’s washed flesh and shampoo, with an undertone, the faint scent of urine. This is the age she is when I’m in the bath. She comes back to me at different ages. This is how I know she’s not really a ghost. If she were a ghost she would be the same age always… She fades, I can’t keep her here with me, she’s gone now. Maybe I do think of her as a ghost, the ghost of a dead girl, a little girl who died when she was five.” In this portion of the book, Offred is bathing herself. But as she bathes herself, she reveals to the readers that the smell of the soap reminds her of her daughter. Saying the little details that she remembered she had with her daughter, before being taken away from her. In the song “Mia and Sebastian’s Theme Song” by Justin Hurwitz, the song starts off slow and calming, this being the moment where Offred recognizes the smell. But as the song progresses, it becomes more aggressive and hard hitting, representing how much she thinks about her daughter, always coming back “at different ages” each time. Ending the song, it ends quite abruptly, like how Offred shamelessly adds that maybe her daughter is a ghost, the ghost of a dead girl, a little girl who died when she was five.”

Chapter 13 (pages 74-75): Jacob and the Stone (3) by Emile Mosseri

“I’m running, with her, holding her hand, pulling, dragging her through the bracken, she’s only half awake because of the pill I gave her, so she wouldn’t cry or say anything that would give us away, she doesn’t know where she is… I can hear the bells even, sleigh bells from the radio, old music, but through this window I can see, small but very clear, I can see her, going away from me, through the trees which are already turning, red and yellow, holding out her arms to me being carried away.” In this portion of the book, Offred is remembering when everything changed in her life––she gets separated from Luke, and her daughter gets stripped away from her. At this point Offred’s life was gonna change forever, all the pieces of her past life were ripped away from her. She was now just a normal woman in other people’s view, not a mother, not a wife, but just a handmaid. In the song, “Jacob and the Stone” by Emile Mosseri, it’s very angelic-like. It sounds as if you would enter heaven and the choir of angels starts playing for you as you walk through the gates. This dramatic piece just makes me imagine how this scene would play out; the music comes in, as Offred’s daughter is “holding out her arms to me being carried away.” I imagine that this scene is gonna be in slow motion to really capture the last moments she had with her daughter. Also, the little moments where Offred captures these hypersensitivities to the colors of the leaves and sounds around her, make me believe how tired she was from running, and how her paranoia made her imagine “sleigh bells from the radio, old music [playing]…”

Chapter 17 (page 98): Love (4) by Keyshia Cole

“He steps towards me. Nick. ‘What are you doing here in here?’ I don’t answer. He too is illegal, here, with me, he can’t give me away. Nor I him; for the moment we’re mirrors. He puts his hand on my arms, pulls me against him, his mouth on mine, what else comes from such denial? Without a word. Both of us shaking, how I’d like to…My hand goes down, how about that, I could unbutton, and then. But it’s too dangerous, he knows it, we push each other away not far. Too much trust, too much risk, too much already.” In this portion of the book, Offred wanted to press a flower under her mattress for another handmaid to possibly find, like how she found the Latin etching in her closet, “Nolite te bastardes carborundorum.” So she went into the sitting room to find a flower but felt another presence with her, which was Nick. Sensing the tension between Nick and Offred, Nick makes the first move and kisses her on the lips, and they stay there for a bit. Before pushing “each other away not far. Too much trust, too much risk, too much already.” It seems a spark had been lit between two dead flames. In the song, “Love” by Keyshia Cole, the lyrics, “Love, Never knew what I was missin’, But I knew once we start kissin’, I found, found you, Now you’re gone, what am I gonna do?” I feel that those lyrics just interpreted what happened in that sensual scene. “Love, Never knew what I was missin’,” made me think that Offred felt this sense of rebellion kissing someone that wasn’t Luke and just going against Gilead’s system. “But I knew once we start kissin’, I found, found you, Now you’re gone, what am I gonna do?” Since this kiss, there has always been this awkward tension between Offred and Nick when they cross paths, a tension of desire to continue what they stopped.

Chapter 24 (pages 146-147): Asleep among Endives (5) by Ichiko Aoba

“I stifle it in the folds of the hanging cloak, clench my eyes, from which tears are squeezing. Try to compose myself. After a while it passes, like an epileptic fit. Here I am in the closet. Nolite te bastardes carborundorum. I can’t see in the dark but I trace the tiny scratched writing with the ends of my fingers, as if it’s a code in Braille. It sounds in my head now less like a prayer, more like a command; but to do what? Useless to me in any case, an ancient hieroglyph to which the key’s been lost. Why did she write it, why did she bother? There’s no way out of here. I lie on the floor, breathing too fast, then slower, evening out my breathing, as in Exercises, for giving birth. All I can hear now is the sound of my own heart, opening and closing, opening and closing, opening.” In this portion of the book, Offred is exhausted from helping with the process of a handmaid, Janine, giving birth. So she goes back to her room to “… compose myself.” In the song, “Asleep among Endives” by Ichiko Aoba, the lyrics, “At the edge of the world, listen to the galaxy, A gentle breeze, a gentian shining on my ankles.” As Offred, lay “on the floor, breathing too fast, then slower, evening out my breathing…” makes me think that she is just trying to calm after the amount of adrenaline that was coursing through her. She lays on the floor as this calming song fits with the mood she’s feeling.

Music: (1) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=io8w2qusfXw

(2) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D3ovuBdbUqk

(3) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mbm3Llu2114

(4) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wZaotY2V3gY

(5) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9aED02XuLwo