As I Lay Still

An intangible force attacked my pelvis from all angles and continues in its attempt to crush my pelvis into another shape. Meanwhile an invisible shredder has gotten underneath my skin, and is effortlessly tearing at my insides. The internet calls these cramps.

Sunday & Today

Sunday: I'm starting to feel better by this day. My Dad and I are going to make Kirk a stepping stone so it'll be easier to visit him in the backyard. I had a good day yesterday. I helped my mom clean the basement, changed the cat litter and then went to a fashion show with my bestfriend, Kelly, and her sisters at La Salle University. It was funny. I enjoyed myself. Oh, and I finally straightened my hair.

Today: OMG! I have an interview with an modeling agency today. Some lady scouted me out when I was on my way home downtown. They called me and scheduled at interview. I hope this goes well.  should probably get up and get my day started.

Double

I worked a double from 9am-9pm. I haven't sat down for the past 12 hours. I had the choice to to take a break and eat, but I don't like taking breaks at work. I feel guilty that I'm sitting and eating at work and I just can't relax. Although I can't take a break for a 12 hour shift I DO have to eat, and was picking at some french toast and rice pudding in the back. My shoulders are killing me from carrying all the bus pans, however my legs and feet don't bother me at all ( I would like to thank running for that). Just about an hour ago I was all wound up, but now I have become one with the couch and my body is mush that is not going to move for the next 8-10 hours. Adios mis amigos I'm going to sleep.....great.

Productive Sunday

​During Sunday morning I slept in and was greeted with some coffee & biscuits which was good. Helped my dad clean while my mother was in church. Then returned my prom dress but, the store doesn't accept refunds therefore I had to get another dress which I'll wear for graduation. Finally determined my college this weekend all ready just gotta send in my deposit once I see my award letter.

Trees and Strangers

​Saturday i planted some trees and used a shovel to dig some holes and it was pretty awesome every time we put a tree in it felt satisfying and i felt like i was you know making a difference in a small way. after my team finished we went our separate ways. It was just me and this guy who looked like he was middle aged. we talked for a while about trees and countries then started heading back to put the tools back. along the way he asked me where i was going and offered for a ride. I thanked him for his nice notion but turned down the offer i don't know this guy like that. we kept walking in silence then picked up our conversation again he then stopped and offered the ride again and again i said no. we made it back to the pool which was the meeting place and put the tools away i went over and talked to emma for a bit and guy lingered around a bit and kept persisting that he'd give me a ride home. I turned down again and again and he finally left and went home. lesson learned here is  don't keep asking me a question when i said no like fifteen times.no means NO. 

My Saturday

It's Saturday which means I had to be at work from 3pm-10pm. I should have at least slept until 10am at the latest, but no! I had to get up in the morning at 7:30am so I could do something for school. Ummm...excuse me I could of sworn spring break started at 3:05 pm Friday, April 15, 2011 so I should not be dealing with school; especially the next day. Sigh I'm sure sleep will enter my life soon enough.

Out of Myself

Remember that post I wrote about wanting to get away from myself. Well here I am. I'm out of my mind, but now I'm looking at me externally. Don't try to understand me, you'll get frustrated. I barely understand myself.

I just want my dog back. I was so pissed off today at God. It poured down raining on my fucking dog. He's buried in the backyard and it just started pouring. Usually Kirk would be in the yard, doing something. Finding a new way out or digging up an old fried chicken bone.. and my mom would yell at one of us "BRING KIRK IN! IT'S POURING OUT THERE!", then one of us would run to go get Kirk and he would run in super excited, drenched. then he'd shake it off and get all of us wet, we'd get a towel dry him off and tell him to go home, he'd stare at us like we were crazy and we would know exactly what he wanted... a cookie. We'd give him some type of food and he'd take it and run to my brothers room into his dog house.

That was routine. And now it's gone. There's no point in going int he backyard anymore. Kirk's gone. It's still unreal. I WANT MY FUCKING DOG BACK. I love you Doobie, world's #1 dog. 

Memory Lane

​Yesterday, on our way home from New Haven, my dad and I stopped in his old neighborhood.  Growing up, he lived in a project in the Bronx, but hadn't returned 20 years. As he gazed around, I could see it all coming back to him, the now small slope that terrified him when he learned to ride a bike, the community center where he played knock hockey after school and the grouchy old lady who would cut his baseballs in half wherever they were hit into her yard. I saw the tears pool in his eyes when we met a man who had grown up with him and had stayed in the neighborhood.  As they reminisced, a smile crept onto my face.

Occasionally, we all must return to our roots. 

So happy

Planted a tree today and really glad I had off from work today. I'm home snuggling up in the couch with my mom and our roommate. We're watching movies. I love doing this kind of stuff on a rainy day. I'm so happy right now.

Tree Tending

So I woke up today at 9:05 am and preceded to drag myself out of my nice, comfy bed to go plant a tree...

I put on some shitty clothes and got a ride from my dad down to the Kendrick Recreation Center.  I waited around for a while until the coordinator, Jill, showed up with her crew.

I volunteered for about an hour and basically helped move the trees to their locations and dig giant holes in the tree pits.  I planted one bare root tree and then left.  It took me about an hour.

It was freezing outside and I was exhausted, but now I feel kind of good about myself.  I did something positive for my neighborhood and now every time I walk by that tree, I'll remember that I helped make that tree's life possible.

The band

​We have been dreaming of starting a band for the last 4 years....we shall create one eventually. Its been temporarily dubbed the Hawks Woods Experience (we didn't come up with the name it was give to us)
Screen shot 2011-04-15 at 11.34.17 PM
Screen shot 2011-04-15 at 11.34.17 PM
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Screen shot 2011-04-15 at 11.33.06 PM

Best Friend Time

Friendship is a vital part of my existence, the bonds I've formed are truly amazing. I think I've done a great job at weeding out the bad ones to a solid foundation of people. Today after school had some great best friend time with oliver it was mellow hes awesome. Starbucks coffee plus best friend time equals a great time.