(Walking up to the grave)
I never really thought about how disappointed you may be until now. (Looking down with a sad face and kicking leg back fourth indicating that she is nervous) Look mom, I’m sorry. ALl this long time and this is my first time visiting you. I have just really been busy, trying to juggle life without a parent. After the incident I just knew that was a sign for me to get my life back together. All of them surgeries. The concussion, and broken bones has opened my eyes. Yeah I know the accident happened 6 months ago and I’m just visiting you; I’m sorry, I just needed time to get my life together ya’ know. I didn’t want you to see me in a wheelchair and shit (covers mouth) Oops I mean stuff.
(Puts flowers down and have a seat) Listen, I will not apologize for who I am. Or the mistake I have made. “Learn for your mistakes.” That’s what you always said, and that’s what I plan to do. I just wanna apologize for not coming to visit you. I know it’s been over a year but… Well not but there’s no explanation. Sorry.
I just really wish the cancer didn’t take you from me. When you died, something in me died too. The good girl died, it just might have been buried with you. But, that good girl has now risen from the dead. ( Short Pause) Something I wish you could do. Look, times was hard when you died. I no longer had a mentor, a best friend, a mother. No shoulder there to cry on, no one to take care of me when I was sick. Of course auntie didn’t want to take care of me. She’s so selfish… So after you passed I was in group homes. Too old, so I couldn't go into the system. Life wasn’t the same. I slowly saw myself changing.
Balling up in a corner every night so no one would touch me ( Starts to cry) And that gives me no reason to do the horrible things i've done, but it’s all about survival. The stealing, selling drugs, etc. I needed to survive. I finally understood how hard it was to be independent. Everything was done for a reason and I hope you understand that.
Now, I realized things could have been handled differently. Dropping out of school was the worst decision of course. I should have went to the school for help. Told someone about the horrible things that went on at the group home. Speaking of school, I have re-enrolled. I’m a grade behind, but it’s whatever. They are helping me with living wise. They even hooked me up with a job. Ya know? And i’m going to court so I can emancipated. So that’s good too.
I just wanted to tell you that I’m doing much better than I was before and I’m trying to get my life together. It’s slowly coming back together. Even though life will never be same because you aren't here, I am going to make something out of it. And who knows maybe someday I will be twice the women you were. (Gets up and wipes dirt off her clothes) I love you mom, and one day I hope I can rest with you.